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Parking Lots From Hell

What is it about people and parking lots during the holiday season?

Scoring a prime parking spot during the holiday season is like being able to use all seven letters as an opening move for Words With Friends. It happens but it's a gift when it does.

There's nothing more frustrating than doing what I call, The hula hoop of shame.  That's when I drive in an endless circle, to find a parking spot. Soon paranoia sets in and I feel the other, more skillful parkers mocking me, as if saying, "There's that moron again, still circling. Shoulda taken the bus."

I know one of the more useful parking techniques is to follow someone as they leave the store to their car. Isn't that vehicular stalking? It makes me uncomfortable. If I nudge them with the bumper will they walk faster?

In Southern California there are two types of parking lot personas which I will breakdown. These personality types  can be found any given day at the nearest Costco.

The Wanderers - These are the people that are oblivious to their surroundings. They are the nomads strolling in the middle of the asphalt blissfully unaware that behind them is a chemically unbalanced driver with 4,000lbs of metal waiting to get past.

The "P" Teasers - The most annoying of them all. This group are the ones that, after you have followed them to their car and watched them get in and start the engine...don't move. Usually they start texting or stare blankly at their phones. Meanwhile, traffic grinds to a stop, because they have "P" teased one sucker into waiting.

Sometimes, the "P" teasers, just to mess with everyone, will pump their brakes as if starting to back out. But don't. They are devious, rude and not to be trusted.

Be assured that these parking lot humans are not just in California but throughout the world. They make up the fiber of the parking structure community. Wherever there are cars and shopping centers they will be waiting for you.


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